My dating Diet Shopping List: What I want In a relationship

It took me several months to finally establish a dating list that would be realistic, healthy and personal. For a very long time, my dating expectations were vague and too general. So, my dating Diet Shopping list gathers everything that I want from a committed relationship without having toxic expectations. When I think of my dating life, I feel like I have known the best and experienced the worst. Of course, these data are subjectives. I also believe that the biggest changes, in life, happen through pain. And guess what, I have dealt with many romantic pain. So, this dating list is from a twenty-four-years-old-woman. It is based on my journey and the books that I have read.

Read : Why I need to go on a Dating Diet

Selfie of a Black woman wearing a hat

WHAT I DO NO WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

I don’t want to be in a relationship after being (a long term) sexfriend situationship. 

Most of the men that I meet don’t want to date in order to build a committed relationship. All they want from me is sex first and then figure it out. Call me  «old-fashioned» but I don’t want to give my vagina without emotional safety and emotional reciprocity. I know how « natural » it became for some people to have sex first but I still think that I deserve better. I have the intimate thought that my v-zone is not the best part of me.  Therefore, I will not settle down for less.

No more delusional relationship.

Believe it or not but I don’t want to be the only one investing in the relationship. I will not cherish a man that does not feel the same about me. I don’t want to feel like I am forcing things to happen. I feel like at a certain age, you should know how to treat a woman and especially how to make things work. So, I am done with men that use «emotional trauma» as an excuse to fuck up all their relationships. No adult was born yesterday, we all have a past.

Stop dating without purposes.

Trust me,  I am not interest in men that don’t have a long term vision of their romantic lives. That is why, I won’t date because I am tired of being a single woman. I want to date to get married and give birth to a beautiful family. I want the father not just the kids. I want the marriage not just the wedding.  Long story short, I want a life partner.

WHAT I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

Black woman with curly hair

What about being loved as much as I love?

I don’t trust anymore the saying that goes  « a man should love you more than you love him » I am done with toxic advice from our ancestors. Even if, I am not debating on the effectiveness of it, all I want is a healthy relationship. From my point of view, both should be loved equally. I think that one of the most spread mistake that people make (including me) is that we tend to consider that, in a couple, there is always one that loves more than the other because love seems more intense on one side.

After reading 5 love Languages, I have learned that this « conclusion » might not be the case all the time. We all have different ways to love, so there are different ways to show it. If you don’t feel loved do not just assume that you aren’t. The way we communicate our love should be discussed and not just blamed.

I need my significant other to be emotionally available.

I believe that the better you communicate the longer the couple last.  I need my partner to open up about his needs and expectations. I feel like sometimes, people expect us to be telepath from the moment feelings get involved.  However, being in a relationship does not include supernatural power. I won’t be able to read my partner’s mind unless he let me in.  I want to be able to talk about disagreements without making a big deal out of it. I don’t mind arguing because I value emotional maturity.

Common values & education.

Since I want to be a mother, I am looking for someone that cherishes the same values as mine.  There are things that are simply not negotiable with me.  For me, parents should be on the same when it comes to the education of the kids, the religion and the finances.  I am not opposed to differences. With that being said, I need my husband to be strict, traditional and incredibly fair with our children. 

Read : How To Find What You Want In a Relationship

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