Everyone will agree with the saying ‘you do not make friends as an adult’. Although I am part of this narrative, I wish things could be different. You always blame your parents or your childhood when something is wrong with you, but what about your friends? The ones that you love like family. When I was a kid, my friends were my first love. However, they were also a great source of negativity. And on top of that, the cause of many trust issues. The truth about my friends is ugly. I may not know you, but I can guarantee you that we have friends in common.
All my life, I have been struggling with making friends. At first, I thought that I was the problem. Back in the days, I was not pretty, stylish, or funny. My interests were very different from what people expect a teenager’s interests to be.
I do not have friends because I am not a cool girl. I don’t enjoy going to parties. Taking pictures of my food and filming my daily life is not interesting to me. I don’t use social media to stimulate my ego. As a discreet woman, I don’t get that much validation. I like beauty, but I don’t swear by it. Travelling is not my main goal in life. I am definitely not sure to want kids. To finish, I like men, but not as a collection.
PEOPLE EXPECT OTHERS TO BE THEMSELVES
As far as I can remember, I have always enjoyed talking about controversial topics. Without exception, I was the one who was in troubles for speaking her truth. I am the type of person that you either love or hate – no in between, no nuance.
With hindsight, I slowly start to understand that being passionate can attract not only the best people in the world but also the worst— the ones that don’t allow themselves to be who they are.
As a passionate human being, I mostly attract pleasers. My personality attracts them because I appear strong, fearless and confident. It feels like I impress them. Unfortunately, they are not interested in me, but rather curious about me. They want to know what happened to me— what made me so vocal about anything.
Most of the people I met, treated me like I was an enigma. They needed their questions to be answered to please their ego. People only expected me to give advice, to share my point of view. But, they do not call to ask for how I feel. They do not contact me for a night out, no.
Question: Why do people use the ones who are willing to give them the world?
I AM A PROUD JUDGEMENTAL FRIEND
I will not be able to tell you the reasons why I am a judgemental person. On the one hand, some people think that no one is born this way and that my behaviour is the consequences of the toxic and judgemental society. Whereas on the other hand, some people think that it is nothing but a personality trait. Anyway!
Like I said, I like speaking my truth. In order to get close to it, you need to evaluate and judge things. Yes, I am a confrontational person. Although I can sound agressive because I express myself with passion, I am also the most understanding person. I will disagree with you and you will definetely know it but I will never lie to you to please your ears.
Plus, I am aware of the difference between honesty and directness. I use these two qualities when, according to me, the situation is appropriate. However, it was not the case five years later.
MY FRIENDS DID NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WANTED
People are not the only ones that I judge. In fact, I judge myself very severely. As an introvert person, there are a lot of things that I share with myself only— my deepest thoughts and emotions.
What I find difficult about friendship is the hypocrisy around it. People want to know what you think but can’t stand it. I can understand that one finds accepting a judgement difficult, but I cannot comprehend that one tries to escape it- as if it was possible. We all judge!
People want everything but forget that you don’t make omelette without breaking eggs. Tell me that I hurt you and that you need some space but don’t ghost me. The truth about my friends is that those I loved the most are forever gone now.
In any relationship, people claim to look for authenticity, honesty and loyalty. Why people lie so much about what they want?
You don’t want to hear the truth but you need to.SHEGOTNEWS
If I speak my mind, then I am a judgemental person. But when I stay quiet, they say that I don’t care. If I don’t develop my point, they think that I beat around the bush. And, those are the one who post on social media about how communication is key.
Once, my friend told me that « she did not ask me to give her my point of view ». That day I was shocked. She did not ask me to cheerish her either but I did. You’ll better get your shit together. PERIODT!
You should not be expecting people to lie to yourself merely because you are used to do so…
Now that you know averything about the truth about my friends, it’s your turn to let me know if we have friends in commun. Tell me about a frienships that broke your heart or even saved your life.