I have been using a dating app for four months now. Mark my word when I say that I can’t stand it anymore. I have the feeling that Badoo has brainwashed my dating expectations. This app has not only tremendously reinforced some of my insecurities concerning men but also developed some new ones. I have never felt so desperate and doubtful about myself since I have been using it.
The more I was feeling myself for having a dating life and the more unhappy I was becoming. Although I was not having sex with the men that I was dating, I consistently felt abused at the end. Why? I could not help myself sizing any opportunities: mostly the worst. I dated different type of men – younger ones, boys my age and older men. My dating life experience by using Badoo has been more toxic than ever. Lately, I have finally come to the realisation that I need a break – I need to go on a Dating Diet for good.
How did it start?
Before using Badoo, I was in a relationship in which I felt a lot forsaken. When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend on March 15th 20, the sorrow and grief due to the separation were horrible to overcome. Never in my entire life, I felt so low about myself. The anger and the shame I was dealing with at the time could have killed me. Several months after, Badoo became a part of my life.
YOU NEED TO GO ON A DATING DIET IF…
1. Your previous relationship hurt you too, but you have decided to move on quickly
I know that many of us use the opposite sex as a tool to get rid of certain emotions. In some ways, we are all the pads of someone else. Therefore, making sure that I am not falling for that habit too has always been on my mind. However, I think that I lost my principles the minute I downloaded Badoo. On dating apps, everything happens so fast that I slowly start to lose control. Badoo was love-booming me. I was receiving so many likes and messages that I could not focus entirely on any men. With time and after many disillusions, I kept telling myself ‘If it’s not him, then it is gonna be someone else’. For a long time until now, it was my mantra, and unconsciously it became a mindset..
Having that mindset has dramatically affected how I was dealing my deceptions about men. I was ignoring my negative emotions by minimising their impact on my confidence — I perceive myself. And, without me noticing it, I was replacing my crush by another crush. And, it was crazy. One day, I was all about Harry, the next one Jacob was in my mind. Three days after, I could have killed myself for Clarke (just kidding). With hindsight, it damaged me. How could I be so neglecting about my own well-being?
Going on crushes to crushes can be as harmful as going to one-night-stand on one-night-stand. Yes, only balance allows stability.
#2. You don’t believe in love anymore, and for you, all men are the same
Badoo was a toxic experience because I was dating men that only had one ambition in mind: sex. Nothing surprising because I met them through a dating app, right? What I learned the hard way was that I could not find love in a place where the most significant majority wanted sex. I was fooling myself thinking that I could build a stable relationship where people only desired a hookup. For you, as a reader, it appears evident that it would be a fiasco. But, I honestly thought that I could find my match there.
Nevertheless, this post is not about me blaming dating apps or complaining about what I went through emotionally. Badoo taught me one of the best dating advice that I could ever receive.
The reason why I stopped believing in love is that, firstly, I was looking for it in the wrong place. Secondly, I was continuously making the same mistakes. I was not learning from my them, no. I was repeating them, instead of stopping hurting myself. Thirdly, I was just not ready.
I realised that men were not accountable for my lack of hope; I was. There were not the ones to blame; I was. So if you don’t believe in love anymore, ask yourself why. Sometimes, it is not just about the other person.
And, by the way, people are not all the same compared to the mistakes that we all make.
#3. You feel lost, and you don’t know what you want anymore
I was feeling lost because I was not ready to date. Yes, I said it. If the opposite sex seems to be a source of insecurity, then consider it as a red flag. How many of us date with no purpose? At the time, I just wanted to meet men and get straight back into the ring although I had my heart was broken. Now that you know how I was feeling about myself, you understand better why Badoo did not work for me.
By the way, once you get your heart broken into pieces, it is your and no one else responds to fix it and to make sure that it does not happen again. Did I heal my heart? I had been working on it for a couple of weeks, yes. +1 point for me! Then, what was my plan to make sure that I do not date a guy like my ex anymore? Arf… None.
In short, you will understand that the shopping list is key on a Dating Diet.
Did you have to go through a Dating Diet too? What can you tell about it?